Sunday, June 8, 2008

A seasonal joke for those in the northern hemisphere

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity,
as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the BBQ - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
Looking for another joke I found this site. (warning, big girl with a gun and not much else...) Scroll down to: "Agenda vir 'n blerrie mooi BRAAI!"

Saturday: 05:00: Throw 2 bags of charka, January through March's Expresses and a half a box of Blitz in the drum, and light the mofo - for a good solid braai foundation..
05:35: Open 1 bottle of Klippies and one 2lt Coke.
06:15: Mutter to yourself that you're sure they're making the Klippies bottles smaller these days, and crack open a beer.
06:20: Go check that no one stole the meat from under your carport during the night.
06:30: Beer
06:35: Beer
06:45: Sms your mates to tell them "Today's going to be a fo$%en jol china!!"
06:55: Explain to your mom that you accidentally sms'ed her and that you would never swear at her.
07:00: Beer

I can get most of it, but if anyone can translate from the Afrikaans slang I'd appreciate it. Taa.


Anonymous said...

Kae. Title 'recipe for a bloody good BBQ.

A braai is short for braaivleis. Cooked meat. Vleis being flesh.

Charka is charcoal. Mooi is beautiful or lekker which is good. Blitz is a braai starter. Could never light a braai without them. Drum is 1/2 a 45 gallon tin cut in half.

Klippers, don't know and my daughter says mofo is US indigenous generic for mother f---er.

China is UK slang for china plate/mate.

Jol (pro yol) is lekker time/party time. Maybe from jolly, maybe not.

There'll be some ridgy didge jaapie who can correct this, but the Madam's from Jo'burg and I lived there for 5 years, so it'll be at least 90% nearly there.


kae said...

Hi again, Mehaul
I thought it was something like that, a lot of it I could guess... did you go to the site and read the lot? It's a scream!
China plate is for mate here, too, dude!
I figured the drum and lots of it.
I hope everyone has a laugh... not sure about the sheila at the start of the blog, though.

Anonymous said...

Kae. "Klippies" is short for Klipdrift Brandywyn(Brandy or Cognac)and is normally taken as "brandy & coke" the favoured drink of many white South Africans. Hope this helps. Ian,Perth WA.