Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cautionary Pirate Tale

A pirate captain, replete with eye-patch, hook and peg-leg, was questioned by a curious ship-mate.

“How did you lose your leg?” asked the curious shipmate.

“Arrrrrrrr. ‘Twas a cannon ball took me leg off and through the deck.” said the captain.

“How did you lose your hand?” asked the curious shipmate.

“Arr, well, that was a cutlass in a fight on the deck, cut my hand clean off.” replied the pirate captain.

“How did you lose your eye?”

“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, that were a seagull.”

“A seagull?” asked the incredulous shipmate.

“Arrr, he shit in me eye.” replied the pirate captain, gesturing wiping his patched eye with his hook….


Anonymous said...

ha ha ha. I wiped my eyes a few times today when Rudd was crapping his way through prepared lines with all the emotion and ability of an undertaker reading the day's work sheet to the staff.

Then his nervousness shone through when fielding questions from the floor, he continually interrupted with lame one liners. The man is clearly out of his depth. Mehaul

kae said...

I only caught a little of it on the radio.
It was rubbish in the dreadful, gasping, authoritative tone he has... is that it, have I described it?

I won't have time to listen to the little bit I have linked on here via ABC news. I'm listening to it now. It's crap. I'd rather read a transcript.


"A decade of opportunity squandered not of opportunity achieved."


Kaboom said...

Funnily enough, pirates of yore did indeed sport eye-patches, but not as a result of losing an eye!

Imagine you are a pirate. ("Where's me bucaneers?" "Beneath yer buckin hat!")

You swing on a rope onto the victim's vessel. In the bright sunshine, you slash and pillage, until the victims are cowering below decks.

You thrust open the hatch-way to the lower deck, and ..... fall arse over kettle because you can't see in the dark.

That's where the eye-patch comes in handy. When you leap into the hatchway, lift up the patch, and you can see clearly through that eye!

WH&S rules the waves!

I hope you will all join me in celebrating ITLAPD on September 19!

kae said...

Boolshit, Kaboom. You're pulling my leg!

How's the flu going? You over it yet?

Kaboom said...

Kae, it's a very friendly 'flu ... it doesn't want to leave me.

I'm tired of going into pharmacies, and asking for their strongest possible pseudo-ephedrine based cold & flu tabs, handing over my licence, my birth certificate, a litre of my first-born's blood nd whatever else they may require, to be confronted with a tiny, overpriced packet of sinus relief.

"Um.... can I have three of these?"

Fuck! They look at you as if you had just asked them to do a naked cartwheel.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but we can only dispense one per day".

Ahhhrrrggghhh! This nanny-state is really giving me the shits.

Kaboom said...

P.S. It ain't boolshit.

Look it up in your Funk & Wagnalls!

kae said...

Kaboom, that's ridiculous.
Everyone knows that cartwheels are only illegal in schools.
If the chemist wants it, you have to supply it.
(And good luck with that!)
The firstborn would be looking a bit anaemic at the moment, wouldn't it?

Anonymous said...


About the eye patches, even mythbusters proved it to be so!

So there!

kae said...

Mythbusters schmithbusters.

I'm supposed to believe someone who calls themself anonymous?

And thanks for buggering up the joke, Kaboom and anon.


Minicapt said...

Mythbusters only concluded that it was 'Plausible', rather than prove it happened. For one thing, there is a lack of historical info supporting pirate patching, and secondly, try it sometime. It's a good way to self-terminate.


kae said...

Tanks for that info, Minicapt.

tee hee

Kaboom said...

Well, it doesn't really matter about your puny joke, Kae, when the world is scheduled to be destroyed on 10th September 2008 when those crazies at CERN fire up the LHC.

I'm most annoyed at the forcible abrogation of the ITLAPD on 19th September.

Kae, when did you say your birthday was? We may need to fit it in between cataclismic apocaliptic eventoids not of our making.

kae said...


Um, hang on... when's my birthday... 30 days hath September... um, the day after the middle of Sept, a Tuesday this year, which is interesting as I was actually born on a Tuesday... at 9:40am.
"Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace..."
That's always amused me, my mum's name is Grace, and I'm pretty sure that Grace was full of Tuesday's child....

Wand said...

Gee this thread is getting a little crowded.

Kaboom. Arrrgh!!! I had overlooked the critical date of 10 September, the date when CERN does the deed.

I have just checked my diary to find, horror of horrors that on that day I will be on a plane on the other side of the world heading in CERN’s direction.

I’ll let everyone know if it gets vaporised. Thanks for the timely reminder.

kae said...

We're doooooooooooooooooomed, Wand.

Anonymous said... was nice knowing you. The next time Skeeter and I have a drink we'll put a beer in front of an empty chair and toast you.

Is there anything else we can do? Feed the cat? Clear out the mail box?


kae said...

Mehaul, you'd just better do it before Sept 10th. We're all gonna die then.

Aren't we?

kc said...

Kae, I was born on a Tuesday, too. 8 November. Election Day in the US, so if Dad was drinking, it was stuff he already had cuz the bars didn't open till the polls closed.

Full of Grace...I like yours better than mine, I was - still am - a real klutz.

Wand said...

Thanks for the offer Mehaul. You can check the mail if you like.

Now I'm not sure of CERN's precise timing but I'll probably be mid Atlantic when the big bang occurs. I could be well positioned to fly off into oblivion.

Still I did send this note to my brother earlier today:

With apologies to Guy Fawkes

Please to remember the 10th of September
Gunpowder, treason and plot
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Nor CERN should ever be forgot...

This should be fun so bring it on!
(Emissions Trading will be walk in the park by comparison)