Saturday, May 24, 2008

Lame Jokes and Glurge

All my friends have email. Every one of them. Friends I have had for over thirty-five years have email.

So, can anyone explain why it is that, instead of chatty, letter-like emails telling me about what's happening in their lives, what their kids are doing, or their grandkids, I get ...

Lame old jokes and glurge.

I don't mind being sent amusing jokes, but the barrage of rubbish that lands in my inbox is annoying. There are a few people who are very selective in their transmission of jokes and glurge, they understand what I would appreciate and that's all they forward to me. Others just send on anything and everything they receive.

Even more annoying is receiving something which has done the rounds and has so many previous addresses you have to scroll down a page to read what eventually isn't worth the effort.
One of the better things I have received is this, The Best Chain Email Ever:

Hello, my name is John and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?

Oooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit!

Maybe the evil chainletter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.


Fuck 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forward about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out
these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Send me 50 bucks and then fuck off.

Update: this is as annoying as another easy HTML thing I've used. Won't do what you want all the time... arrgh.

Update II: Joe, my room mate at work and I figured out that if we had used all the penIs extending tricks and potions sent to us via spam we'd have a problem with strapping our willie up.... and besides, we're both girls. (Thanks, Stacks ♥! )

Update III: I switched off moderation, but I need it on to let me know when someone's posted. I promise to post everything I'm sent.... unless it's spamish.

UpdateIV: Thanks to advice from Caz the blog is now mod free. Please respect eachother and only have bloodless fights, I faint at the sight of blood - good thing I never fulfulled my childhood desire to be a nurse!

UpdateV: Sorry, Wronwright. I'm not trying to stifle you. I am only just learning to drive this thing! I didn't realise you'd been placed in a queue, your opnion is important to us, please wait and we will be right with you. Please note that your comment may be recorded for posterity.... Oh, sorry, Wronwright, I got a bit carried away there. Haw!

29 comments:

Pogria said...

I haven't got fifty dollars. I just fuck off then shall I?

*sigh*

Margo's Maid said...

Hey, Kae - welcome to the blogosphere. Nice site!

stackja1945 said...

Me too kae. My name is not Rudd.

Boy on a bike said...

Dear God, they're spwaning everywhere. Blairites are leaving the nest and popping up in every nook and granny of the interweb.

joe costa said...

If only someone cared enough to send me a chain letter instead of 50 v1-arga ads a day. Hey, what's up with the comment moderf******ration has been enabled? Sellout!

stackja1945 said...

kae try to toggle between compose and html and see if it is easier.

Kaboom said...

Yo, Kae - a big welcome to your blog!

Have you got any of those fucking moderators lurking around here?

Stevo said...

Kae

Is Andrea your Web Whiptress? Ha!

Congratulations on your new blog.

Getting glurge is worse than getting no emails at all.

Go girl!

Stevo

Stevo said...

OT:

CYCLONE disaster workers still have no word on when they will get the promised full access to Burma, which wants the world to donate $US11 billion ($11.51 billion) to rebuild the country.

From http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,23753226-5001028,00.html

Still haven't learnt to hyperlink properly here, I will.

I don't want to seem a heartless bastard, but what will injecting $11B into Burma do for the country? The typhoon victims have gone, the aid when it arrives will be too late for the survivors. It will prop up the corrupt regime there. It will whilst they control how the aid gets distributed. Maybe I'm not getting it, will the aid will soften the hearts and minds of the Burmese population. I don't think so.

Burma is another North Korea without nuclear weapons. What is the world doing about it? Ah, Asian dialogue. And the UN inaction. They deserve better, and more than aid.

Paco said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You mean Bill Gates really isn't sending me $1,000?

Welcome to Blogostan, KAE! Best of luck.

Paco said...

Boy on a Bike: It's what ya call, the Blairaspora.

RebeccaH said...

Cool! Another Blairite blog!

Nice digs. Loved the chain letter, I might have to send that one around.

I've got a special bookmark folder for all the Blairite blogs.

Spiny Norman said...

My old friends and I don't send those "glurge" chain emails to each other, but a rather more peculiar species, such as this:

http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k127/spinynorman61/Cackle.jpg

Wand said...

Well isn't this nice!

A place to rest, rant or rave.

Cheers....

stackja1945 said...

New Tim says:
http://blogs.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/timblair/index.php/dailytelegraph/comments/they_will_not_be_moved/
Hardcore comments traditionalists from the homeland have launched their own sites. Do drop by The Shadowlands and Annoyances and Irritations.

Anonymous said...

Nice job kae. Who needs Blair anyway. When we have kae and Margos Maid.

Are you putting out any food?

wronwright

Anonymous said...

Your comment has been saved and will be visible after blog owner approval.

Oh no. Not another one.

You Aussie's are squashing my dissent! Hegemonists!

wronwright

kae said...

As soon as I can find splice and/or missred, and wangle, er, con, er, acquire the key to the mead cellar and food store I'll be putting on a spread.

Does that meet with everyone's approval?

I'll try and post something every day...

Thanks for the kind words and the welcome.

If anyone sees anything I may be interested in for the blog, please let me know!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Caz said...

Kae - you don't need moderation switched on. Under one of the Blogger setup options (check through the tabs) you can tick a box to have comments emailed to you, that way you will know when comments are made and on which thread! Also saves you having to "approve" comments before they're posted. FYI.

Also, if something is published that you don't like, you can delete it - click on the little rubbish bin icon that appears under each comment, and hit the "delete forever" button.

kae said...

Thanks, Caz! Much appreciated, I found it.

Does the comments link only appear when there are comments or should it be there all the time with a 0 COMMENTS score? I can't see it on the Kevin post... thanks.

Oh, and Spiny, there should be a warning on that linky you gave us.

Caz said...

If you've ticked the box in setup to allow comments it should always appear.

Comments has been turned off for the Rudd post.

You need to edit that specific post (but also check the overall setup, maybe you've accidentally un-ticked "allow comments").

Posts > Edit > select the Rudd post > at the bottom of the post text box, left side > click on the "Post Options" link > then select "allow comments" and publish the post again.

You can also change date / time of posts in that area, which can be handy if you want to keep a particular post "at the top", for example.

A few months ago I got so totally pissed off with word verification on other people's blogs that I finally switched mine off (trying to lead by example :-D) and have had only a couple of SPAM comments since then, which were promptly deleted. Comment SPAM is much less of a problem - barely a problem at all - than you might imagine, so you might want to try going sans-verification for a while, see how it goes.

kae said...

Thanks again, Caz, Wand told me it wasn't working so I hunted down help. Shock, surprise, it was! I think it's fixed now...
Thanks again Caz and Wand.

Ubique of Perth said...

Kae

Congrats on the site; good photos!

How do you provide links here? Or is that for a future upgrade?

Nilk said...

lol about time you got your own blog, Marge. :)

Anonymous said...

This is great kae! Your own Little Niche on the Net. May it be forever a haven for your mnay thoughts.

I like how you've got a blog consultant!

Cheers, Carpefraise.
(I do appear on TB's new blog but have changed my name. Got to freshen the image, you know ;))

Anonymous said...

Oh jeez...MANY thoughts, not mnay *sigh*

Damn typo fairy *frown*

kae said...

Carpe, I hope it's not too boring!

Carpe, don't be a stranger - email too!

kae said...

That goes for everyone. Don't be strangers, stay in touch!

kc said...

kae, looks good here, fun to read! I really like the pictures...and I'm turning 53 in a few months, which really is a major surprise.

Blair's upheaval in THIS case is a good thing, thanks!