Lame Jokes and Glurge

All my friends have email. Every one of them. Friends I have had for over thirty-five years have email.

So, can anyone explain why it is that, instead of chatty, letter-like emails telling me about what's happening in their lives, what their kids are doing, or their grandkids, I get ...

Lame old jokes and glurge.

I don't mind being sent amusing jokes, but the barrage of rubbish that lands in my inbox is annoying. There are a few people who are very selective in their transmission of jokes and glurge, they understand what I would appreciate and that's all they forward to me. Others just send on anything and everything they receive.

Even more annoying is receiving something which has done the rounds and has so many previous addresses you have to scroll down a page to read what eventually isn't worth the effort.
One of the better things I have received is this, The Best Chain Email Ever:

Hello, my name is John and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?

Oooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit!

Maybe the evil chainletter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

Fuck 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forward about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out
these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Send me 50 bucks and then fuck off.

Update: this is as annoying as another easy HTML thing I've used. Won't do what you want all the time... arrgh.

Update II: Joe, my room mate at work and I figured out that if we had used all the penIs extending tricks and potions sent to us via spam we'd have a problem with strapping our willie up.... and besides, we're both girls. (Thanks, Stacks ♥! )

Update III: I switched off moderation, but I need it on to let me know when someone's posted. I promise to post everything I'm sent.... unless it's spamish.

UpdateIV: Thanks to advice from Caz the blog is now mod free. Please respect eachother and only have bloodless fights, I faint at the sight of blood - good thing I never fulfulled my childhood desire to be a nurse!

UpdateV: Sorry, Wronwright. I'm not trying to stifle you. I am only just learning to drive this thing! I didn't realise you'd been placed in a queue, your opnion is important to us, please wait and we will be right with you. Please note that your comment may be recorded for posterity.... Oh, sorry, Wronwright, I got a bit carried away there. Haw!